Right Now is a Gift, That's Why it's Called the Present

Dear Beloved Reader,

Life can throw us a heck of a curve ball sometimes and despite what has happened recently to my health, I do not wish this on anyone nor would I give the experience up. I feel mentally stronger and physically ready to start activities again. When they tell you during those constant assemblies on bullying, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes,” they weren't kidding. In my case you’d probably not even make it a mile. I have discovered that getting from class to class is more breathtaking and challenging than before. I have an occasional bystander who will ask, “Why are you breathing so hard?” and my only response is, “I’m okay.” It’s not that I don’t want to tell a brief explanation for all the madness lately, but I don’t want them to feel like they ‘have’ to feel sorry for me. People have told me this week how strong I am. I believe them, but what they don’t know is how I feel. To be completely honest, I don’t know how I should feel. Mad? Depressed? Happy? All are risks of being called selfish.  Occasionally I find myself laughing to the point my stomach aches, not because I’m extremely hilarious, but because I think I might come to the point where I’ll start crying. I feel judged for all my mistakes in the past plus my disease from other social groups and mine. “Where were you? We only have 30 minutes left of school.” “Shh, she’s back.” Again, I laugh. My life is a constant comedy and I find that laughing makes everything better. :)

My life is like a balloon.

A couple weeks ago, some nice neighbors (Thank you!) decided to surprise us with bright, colorful balloons on our mailbox. My mom wanted to take them to the hospital, but on the way there they flew out the window into a tree. We were unable to rescue them sadly to our abilities. Over the course of the couple weeks the balloons have had to deal with many hardships, like the rain, storms, the burning sun, and the never ending wind. (They must be freezing.) The balloons hold on to that one branch keeping them from floating away.

I give this analogy because my branch is Heavenly Father. Without him, I would be lost and I am so grateful I can attend 6:00 am seminary again! We have been delayed on my return due to appliances falling apart and doctor’s giving us the go. I am all ears as I hearken on to the words of the Lord again. I am thankful for my trials that have been given to me, because they have made me who I am. 

Hailey Deeds.

“During trials, God gives you the amount of time you need to gain experience from it. He never leaves you. He’s always there and watching.” Seminary 2014

Everyone in my life has been my ‘box of sunshine.’ I have felt all the love and support from my parents, long-distance friends, best friends, church, family, and etc. If you are reading my blog, thank you. I have learned to appreciate life one day at a time and enjoy all the rain.

“You can’t have rainbows without a little rain.” (Or a lot in Missouri’s case.)

Today consisted of 4 tries of getting my IV in my vein, (I recommend if you have to do this EVER to drink fluids before.) an unplanned appointment with Cooper, needle sticking, and 30 minutes of school. I had a productive day! I was able to miss two tests and knock on wood I’ll do fine. Tonight my best friend comes home all the way from Bellevue, Washington. My dad. I haven’t smiled this wide in a long time.

Things are finally going as planned.
Don't forget to live life to the fullest and focus on the positive.

Love,

The Optimistic One

"It's your mascot!" -One of the World's Best Mothers

A HUGE thanks to the young women in the Cougar Mountain Ward in Washington who sent my "box of sunshine!" I have enjoyed getting to explore the box on my rainy day with an indoor picnic. Miss you guys & love representing Issaquah High School with my new, spirit wear. Sending some love back soon.

P.S. Due to all my stress, I haven’t necessarily been the nicest angel. I apologize to those I have hurt mentally, physically, and my only wish is for you to forgive me. None of this gives me a right to be rude or cocky and for that I am sorry.