A Hide Away Seeked

Uh, hi my name is Hailey Deeds. I love writing, I just haven't had the courage to. Most of you who read expect me to always have sugar & spice & everything nice to say. I didn't want you to know how I really have felt for the past months. I want you to think highly of me, I want you to like me, and to see me as not just a kid, but a person with feelings. I am a teenager. We get a bad rap, but I'm not like most teenagers. I know, "very typical" teenager of me to say, but if you actually know me...you'd know for this to be true. In more common terms, I am someone you'd call a Hide Away. I hid in a crowd of people, laughing, and pretending to have a good time so the people on the staircase would think I was. I wanted everyone to see me as that. But being happy has no purpose unless you really are. Being happy is something some people take as a way to judge others. Being happy is something that some teenagers think only comes from parties where they drink too much and can't remember the next day. Being happy is something some people take for granted. For me, being happy is spending a whole week with my uncle as I sit at his bed side. Being happy is knowing God.

It just took me now to realize that. I haven't been happy for over five months. I know why now. I didn't read my scriptures, pray, or listen to the spirit. I walked blindly through life without my compass believing when I said, "I have this whole life thing figured out." It's clear now, I didn't. I spent many nights crying in my room refusing to talk to Him. At this stage, you think you've made so many mistakes that there is no possible way God can forgive you. You think, you've dug this big of a hole already; might as well continue. You completely forget the positive in life. You look at all the things that have gone wrong instead of all the things that have gone right. Even if they're the simplest of things. 

Happiness is spending time with loved ones.

That was my mind set. Not healthy, I know. 

Until I read this quote, that made me rethink my whole thought process. 

You are more than the mistakes you've made. - Al Fox Carraway

The only person's judgement I really cared about was God. It didn't matter what those girls thought of me, because I knew what I was. God thinks I'm beautiful. He created me for a purpose in life. I am apart of his plan. I am a daughter of God. 

You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, "No one understands. No one knows." No human perhaps knows. But the son of God perfectly knows and understands, for he felt and bore the burdens before we ever did. -Bednar

When I felt alone all this time...He was there standing by me. He didn't give me anything he didn't think I couldn't handle. And after I lifted that big bolder of not caring and putting all my mistakes behind me (after repentance of course) I felt better. 

God is rooting for you, so it doesn't matter who is against you.

Sometimes the most important person to turn to is Him. Even if we don't want to. 

I don't like the term, "don't be upset, because someone always has it harder." I think it's important to know that everyone has trials. Everyone is going through something, big or small, it doesn't make them less important.  It's okay to be upset, you just also have to be grateful. Be grateful for where you are in life. Enjoy it!

Don't let your sadness cloud your judgement of life. Life is something special. It's an adventure! Life is oh so good with God. Even if it gets confusing, "If any of thee lack wisdom, let thee ask of God." 

Because of my Uncle, my mind set is different. When I was in Omaha, I spent most of my days on my phone...yeah, there I go again, "typical teenager," but what was I doing on my phone? Searching up scriptures to give a lesson on. We read Alma 26:27, the Family Proclamation, and Ether 6. I fully recommend reading them yourself. 

Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success

Many people handle sadness in different ways. Some with romance novels, netflix, eating, running, parties, or even music. I for one am embracing it. How I felt and feel, allows me the chance to teach those of you who read this a important life lesson. When I'm sad, I turn to God. 

Happiness is working hard to achieve a goal.

I recommend you do it too. Because all those other things I mentioned, only gives you temporary happiness. Where with Him, you can have everlasting happiness..

Instead of focusing on what's right in front of you, look at the big picture. Never give up what you want most for what you want today. If you fight every battle on your knees, you win everytime. When you think no one is going to listen, He's open 24/7. 

Life is too short to not love the journey and lessons God has for you.

Everything that happens in your life is a lesson. Learn from them. Live them. And grow from them. I sure will. I've grown to love those who hate me. I've grown to teach through social media. I've grown to know that just because my flare is mild, trials come in different forms. I've grown to know that we are all princesses and princes. And before any of us can have happily ever after, we have to go through a time of poisoned apples, spindle pricks, and impossible tasks.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, I'm just saying it's going to be worth it.

I would not give up my trials for anything. 

Thank you 2015, for being a lesson builder. Make 2016 a year for you and your loved ones.

Let's make it a year of happiness. 

This is what happiness looks like...

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