I Remember..

I remember the day quite clearly. I remember the day I went into the trainers because my legs and body ached so much. I remember the day when the trainer said, "You'll be fine in a week. It's just from running." I remember not being fine a week later. I especially remember my stubbornness getting the best of me. People would ask me if I was okay, I'd say, "But of course, I'm Hailey Deeds." Hailey Deeds was built to be strong. I'd limp around school with a fever of 101, smile with pain, and feared going up the stairs because it was too hard to handle. I ran around that track as if nothing was bothering me, until my teammates had to tell me to stop. It was only a warm up lap and I couldn't even make it half way around the track. I remember being pushed in a wheel chair around Costco, crying, because I didn't think I was going to walk again. I remember not being able to put my instrument together, because it hurt so much to lift things. I remember feeling hopeless, upset, and confused. I watch as people lived their life's without any problems, they could go to school, and play sports...where I was wearing a pass that had "HEALTH PASS" in big, fat letters. It was as if it was just yesterday.

It was a year ago. 

It only took me a month to realize my life was never going to be the same. 

It was a year ago that my mom told me, "You aren't like normal kids." 

It was a year ago that I was in the hospital getting infusions.

And it feels like it was just yesterday. Now it's just a distant memory. It's just a fear in the back of my head; the fear that it may return.

The experience taught me to cherish the little moments as much as the big moments. It taught me to love my abilities to do small tasks. It taught me to love my talents and myself. It taught me that you can tell a lot more about a person by what they've gone through than what they're physically capable of.

The bus ride there!

Most importantly...

It taught me...

That a disease doesn't define you. Only you can.

And I did exactly that.

On Thursday, 17th of September, 2015 I ran my first meet ever!

It was at Platte Ridge Park. When we all filed out of the bus, my stomach was filled with butterflies. I had an hour to take all my surroundings in before I had to run. I don't think I've ever seen so many long distances runners in my life. It made me so happy!

The temperature was H-O-T! Varsity ran first. Girls were walking, fainting, and red faced from running so hard. My coach told us to take the run as a practice. She looked at me and said, "Do you want to just run C team?" Which consisted of only 1.7 miles. My mind tried to persuade me to give in, but my heart knew, I had to do this for me. I told her I could handle the 3.1 miles.

When there was about 10 minutes until race time, we ran a warm up, did a couple stretches, and got lined up on the start line. I felt tears fill my eyes. All sorts of emotions washed over me. I was about to do something that people doubted me in. I was crying out of fear and excitement. My friend, Lauren, told me to stop crying. She pulled me aside and said a prayer with me. Oh, how thankful I am for that prayer. When the Cross Country girls saw me crying, they gave me hugs and words of encouragement.

Gun shot.

Girls started running.

Hill after hill, I ran with a goal. I had to finish. I had to prove I was capable of doing this. And now that I look back at it, I feel I had to prove to myself I could, more than anyone else. On the uphills, I thought about my motivation. I thought about Malina, Jenna, and Becca. I thought about how proud they'd be if I did this. After about 1.5 miles, I saw Sister Cole, Aubrey, Katie, my mom, my coach, and my team.

"There's only 1.5 left you're almost there."

"There's only 1 mile left. Keep it up, pass the girl in front of you!"

They were always 10 steps ahead of me. They pushed me to keep going.

"Half a mile left, look you're almost there! YOU CAN SEE THE FINISH LINE!"

The last .10 is all mental. As soon as I saw the finish line...I ran. I full on sprinted. It felt like a movie. Everything was in slow motion. People screamed for me. I felt like I was capable of anything.

I crossed the finish line and slowly found my way to my mom. I laid my head on Lauren and started crying. I just did it. I didn't think I could.

I truthfully didn't.

Everyone ran up to me, gave me hugs, and congratulated me.

I couldn't stop crying.

My coach ran up to me and gave me a big hug that lasted a long time. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "You did it. I'm so proud of you," she said.

I told Sister Cole what motivated me to keep going and soon I had her in tears. "You did it. I know you did it for them," she said.

Out of everyone at that meet, I think I made myself the most proud. I accomplished something that day. No I didn't win any fancy medal and yeah, I'll always have the fear of being sick again, but I realized that I'm not going to let that stop me from living the life I want. I'm going to run. I'm going to attack the day with enthusiasm. I'm going to take advantage of every single day.

I have something way better than a medal....I have the best supporters ever!

Moments like this are worth remembering. I do remember and proudly will.

I'm sick, but that's just apart of me.

Like I said in my first blog post, "I have Lupus and it's a blessing."